


fearless (in your love)

by CaptainOzone



Category: The Bright Sessions (Podcast)
Genre: (in the atypical sense), Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Minor references to depression, Missing Scene, Set during episode 47 "Adam", rated for language, these boys love each other so much, this is cheesy but i don't care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24938545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainOzone/pseuds/CaptainOzone
Summary: "Rose: ...you’re cool with it? Having an atypical boyfriend?Adam: Yeah. Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t I be?Rose: I don’t know. That’s good to know, though. Thanks.Adam: You’re welcome?Rose: I’ve been thinking about telling my girlfriend but I’m not sure how she’s going to react.Adam: Gotcha."In which this conversation doesn't end there. A missing scene from Episode 47 "Adam."
Relationships: Adam Hayes & Rose Atkinson, Adam Hayes/Caleb Michaels
Comments: 9
Kudos: 60





	fearless (in your love)

**Author's Note:**

> This wouldn't leave me alone, and I don't care that I'm coming into this fandom hella late. I also wrote it in a few hours, and it's far from my best work. I probably spent more time worrying that it was crap than I spent actually writing it, lol.
> 
> Either way, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Title from "The Sweet Escape" by Poets of the Fall.

“Hey, um...Adam?”

Adam looks up from his phone and finds Dr. Bright’s new (ex?)-patient peeking her head out the front door of Sam’s house. Her lip is caught between her teeth, and as she slips out onto the porch and closes the door behind her, there’s a hesitance in her movements, a sort of shyness and expectation he’s all too familiar with.

She wants to talk. And isn’t sure how to.

He sighs and pushes off the post he’s leaning against, fingers fiddling at his phone. An unbidden flush is rising up his neck—he can _feel it—_ and _God,_ he tries not think about how he blew up at everyone back inside. After all that, the thought of speaking to another human being right now sounds...not fun. He’s embarrassed, he’s exhausted, and all he wants is to crawl into bed and curl up against Caleb’s chest. All he wants is to lay with him in silence, absorb his warmth, and forget _._

But even that might be hard. His nerves are fried and sensitive, and he sort of feels like a dying live wire, one whose weakly spitting sparks have _just_ enough energy to sting those who get too close.

No one deserves to suffer his mood right now. Not Caleb. Not any of their friends. Not even this near-stranger.

God does he wish Caleb was a telepath right now. He could send him an SOS and tell him to hurry up and save him from...whatever this is.

Rose must sense his standoffishness. She’s giving him a weird look, but she’s still coming up to him, unphased by whatever bad aura he’s throwing off. He wasn’t particularly friendly with her earlier, either. Some small part of him almost wonders why she’s trying again.

He's already failed some sort of social obligation to her by taking so long to respond, and he just barely manages to muster the appropriate amount of guilt for being the way he is when Rose’s small smile fades. “It _is_ Adam, right?” she asks awkwardly.

“Yeah,” he says this time, because a response is most definitely required now, and Rose is going to talk to him regardless of his mood, it seems. “Yeah, it is.”

"Do you mind if I sit?" Adam opens his mouth, but it was a rhetorical question. Rose sits on the porch swing without so much as waiting for Adam to draw a breath and sets herself swaying with a light push of her foot. “I...I know you need to get going,” she rushes to say, “And Caleb only ran back in to grab his wallet, but I kinda...asked him to give us a minute.”

“Um...okay?” Adam says, confused. “Why?”

Rose blows at an imaginary hair. Her pixie cut is perfectly arranged, not a hair out of place. “He can feel how nervous I am,” she explains. “About telling my girlfriend about me.”

“Oh.” Adam pauses, and when no further conversation seems forthcoming, he says, “I’m sorry?”

“No, no, don’t _apologize,_ I just...” Rose sighs. She pushes a little more forcefully against the planks in front of her, her eyes latched onto the laces of her shoes. The porch swing is new and glides as it moves. “He recognized how I felt because he...you know, _felt_ it before and confronted me about it.”

Adam can’t help it. The fog within him cracks like an egg, a rush of fondness seeping through the murk of exhaustion weighing him down. Of _course_ Caleb would empathize with Rose about this, in both the typical and atypical sense. Of course he’d try to help. That’s just who he was, and fuck did Adam love that about him.

“So I guess I kind of wanted to ask a little bit more about your experience. About...how you took it. When Caleb told you.”

“You didn’t ask Caleb?” Adam blurts.

“He...When I asked him, he referred me to you."

Adam can’t hide his surprise, and Rose looks up then, a knowing, endearing smile on her face. It’s a smile that...he recognizes. Shares.He sees himself in that smile, and Adam feels himself warming toward her, relaxing a little in her company.

“You are very cute together, you know,” she continues. “I can tell he thinks the world of you. And you, him. Was...was it always that easy? That effortless?”

Adam barks an involuntary laugh. It doesn’t sound nearly as cold as it feels coming out, and he’s glad. He doesn’t want her to think he’s laughing at _her_ , specifically. “No, God, no,” he says. “You really think after everything you learned in there that—?”

“I...that’s not what I meant, sorry,” Rose interrupts immediately, flushing. “Gosh, I hope you don’t think I’m trivializing anything you two have gone through to get to this point, but I— _we—_ can all see how comfortable you are together. And it’s just you’re—you’re _working through it_. All the bad. You’re working through it. Together. You’re _together_. You’re sharing in his ability and accepting the weirdness that comes with it.”

“I...” Adam pauses, unsure how to respond, and she’s looking at him so hopefully, so openly vulnerable and expectant, that he wonders if this is what Caleb feels—if this is what it feels like to be an empath himself.

It terrifies him.

He’s not the right person for this. Caleb clearly thought otherwise, and normally, Adam might be flattered, might draw courage from that, but in this case, his boyfriend is very wrong _._

He remembers it differently, now. At the time Caleb told him, he was so focused on his then-perceived unrequited crush and the humiliation he felt that he hadn’t really noticed just how scared Caleb had been to tell him about his ability. They may laugh a bit about it now, but Adam still has phantom aches when he thinks about it—the fact that Caleb was ever that afraid of _him._

All things considered, Adam figures Caleb would have something more to offer Rose. More than _he_ could offer, anyway. 

“I can’t speak for your girlfriend,” Adam starts, a little uncertainly. “We’re different people, obviously, and...I’m pretty sure my experience with Caleb will be a little useless in informing yours and your girlfriend’s.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well...for starters, we weren’t together when he told me about his ability,” Adam says. With a little self-deprecating laugh, he adds, “In fact, I was utterly convinced Caleb was straight, and up until the moment he told me about his empathy, I thought I had been hiding my stupidly huge crush on him.”

Rose’s soft hazel eyes go wide. “Seriously?”

“Dead serious,” Adam says. “So. Yup. You can imagine how I responded to learning that I hadn’t stood a chance at hiding my crush in the first place.”

Rose’s earnest expression crumples, and with one last push against the porch below her, she sets herself rocking and curls her legs up onto the swing. She places her chin on her knees, a sympathetic grimace on her face. “...what happened?”

“I rushed off." His words are blunt, but they cut Rose. He can see the mark they leave on her in the wince she tries to hide. "Left him sitting alone in a park. He told me later that telling me about his ability was supposed to be the lead-in to talking about his feelings for _me,_ but...”

“You didn’t give him the chance?” Rose finishes.

“Do you blame me?” Adam says, eyebrows raising. “I’m sure you’ve had that happen before, right? Having a crush on a straight friend?” When Rose nods, Adam continues, “Then you know. It’s devastating, in every way. Can you imagine having that person feel your feelings, know about them, for _months,_ and never tell you?”

“I...” Rose has gone pale, and she looks downright ill. “No, I can’t. I don’t blame you one bit.”

Adam slumps back against the post. “I’m lucky Caleb didn’t blame me either. Not after he understood why I freaked on him.”

Rose is silent for a moment. “So it really never was about his empathy in the first place?” she muses eventually, a tendril of hope returning to her voice. “That’s what you were trying to tell me?”

“His ability wasn’t ever the problem," Adam says. "Not the way you worry it will be with...um—”

“Emily,” Rose supplies. Her voice is full, warm and so, so soft around the name. “Her name is Emily.”

"I don't know Emily," Adam says, "But it’s hard for me to imagine anyone reacting _poorly_ to news that superpowers exist. I mean, once Caleb and I resolved everything, talked it out, it _really_ didn’t matter to me. I didn't even care that he hadn't always been honest with me. Things started to make sense, and I thought it was all really neat, actually.” He laughs a little, embarrassed. “Like, really fucking cool. And nice, too.” 

Rose’s head pops up, her expression morphing into something incredulous. “Nice? You...don’t think it’s—it’s invasive? I haven’t Walked into my girlfriend’s dreams yet, but that’s because I can actually control it now. I’ve been careful _not_ to. I mean, I’d _like_ to, but the conversation seems...well, never mind, that’s a future problem. I guess what I’m trying to say is that Caleb isn’t like me, is he? He’s constantly receiving emotions from others, right? He can’t turn it off?” 

“No, he can’t,” Adam agrees.

“Right! So you don’t ever feel—I don’t know...?”

“What? Resentful? Creeped out? Uncomfortable?” Adam sees the answer painted across her face, the worries reflected in her eyes. He knows them intimately because sometimes, Adam still sees the exact expression on Caleb’s face, even after all these months together. Like whenever he feels he’s crossed a line by accidentally using Adam’s emotions against him during their fights, whenever he gets empathy drunk without meaning to and Adam has to suffer through the worst of the hangover with him, or when...when last November happened, or even when they discovered how his ability impacted (and still impacts) him when they get intimate with each other and—

Huh. Maybe Adam understands now. Why Caleb sent Rose out here to talk to him. There's a tangled bubble of frustration and affection and pride and lovelove _love_ threatening to swell and burst within his chest, and he...

Lets it.

“I _love_ it, Rose,” he admits quietly. “I love how he checks in with me when he doesn’t understand how I’m feeling. I love how he can feel how much I love _him_. I love how much this part of him makes him who he is. I love that it's what brought us together. Do I wish he didn’t have to feel me experiencing all of my lowest lows? Of course. Do I wish he couldn’t feel all the ugly things I wish I wasn’t feeling myself? All the fucking time. I hate that I could ever bring him down. That a fleeting emotion could ever bring his opinion of me and how I feel about him into question. That’s something we’re working on. We’re always working on it. And I doubt we’ll ever stop working on it. It isn’t always easy, but it’s...” Adam struggles to find a word to encompass it in its full scope. He falls short. Desperately short. “It’s _good._ And it’s _us_. And imagining the alternative?”

Adam trails off and tries, for the briefest moment, to put himself back in that headspace last year, right after Caleb revealed his secret. How he felt when he was alone in his room, his heartbeat roaring in his ears, Caleb's words running on repeat; back when he was alone and waiting and uncertain and petrified sick of the thought of Caleb being someone _else,_ someone who wasn’t anything like Adam thought he was—the kind of person who lost a bet and would trick the emo gay kid into thinking he was his friend, who would laugh at him behind his back with his football cronies. Who would use his ability to _hurt. Hurt. Hurt._

Adam remembers all that, and he remembers telling himself _no, never him, not him, I know him,_ but for the life of him, he can’t remember whether or not he was willing to keep Caleb in his life, if he wanted to mend what had been broken. He wants to believe it might have never even been a question for him—that he would forgive and forget, regardless, and that they could work through any road block in their way, even then—but another part of him wonders what would have happened if Caleb hadn’t reached out first. If Caleb hadn’t been the one to...

He violently rejects the thought. The whole “what if” is too alien, too weird, too painful to consider now that he knows what he could have lost.

Rose’s eyes are wet, gleaming. His sting, too. He brushes at them self-consciously.

“No, I don’t like thinking about the alternative,” Adam says, turning his face away from Rose and out toward Sam’s immaculate lawn. “I don’t know Emily," he repeats. "I don’t know what she’s like. Only you do. But if she can willingly walk away from the possibility of having something like what Caleb and I have with you? And just because she can’t accept your ability, or because she’s afraid of how she fits into your world? Or because she doesn’t want to try to meet you halfway? Then she wasn’t ever meant to have you—all of you—in the first place.”

Profound silence settles between them. Adam stares at the ugly lawn gnome nestled between two hedges in Sam’s yard, not really seeing it at all. He feels drained, but...not in the way he had before, and it’s almost nice, in a weird way.

Rose breaks the silence. “Wow, I...thank you. Thank you. For telling me that. For...everything. You—” Her voice cracks, and it’s what drives Adam to turn back to her, despite how hot his face feels. “You really think there’s a possibility she’ll think it’s cool?” she whispers.

“Uh, yeah,” Adam says. The _duh_ is more or less implied in his tone. “She may even think it’s hot.”

Rose bursts into pealing giggles, and Adam doesn’t feel like a complete idiot for making the joke. “Now _that_ would be an amazing reaction,” she sighs wistfully, wiping her eyes.

Adam shrugs, but his casual disregard is a lie.

(It is a fucking _big_ lie, and Caleb doesn’t often let him forget it).

“Won’t know until you tell her, will you?” he teases lightly.

“Yeah,” she says. She sits up, and Adam hears the decision she’s made in her voice. Her color has returned, and she looks significantly happier, more at ease, than she had the whole thirty minutes he’s known her. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right.”

“For what it’s worth, I hope it goes well,” Adam says. “I can’t imagine it won’t, especially if you’re honest and tell her _everything_ , you know?”

“Yeah,” Rose says again. “I know. Thank you, Adam, truly. I—”

The front door suddenly pops open, and Caleb steps out, laughter and light in his eyes. Adam is immediately drawn into his orbit, captivated and delighted to see him looking so happy. He hadn’t expected that, after learning what they had today about Damien’s abrupt and unexpected re-entry into their lives.

“Hey you,” he says, unable to stop the smile from growing on his face.

Caleb stops dead in his tracks, and his eyes skip between the pair of them. “Oh. Shit, I’m sorry. Are you guys not done talking? I didn’t want to interrupt, but I thought...”

“Nah, I think we’re good,” Adam’s quick to reassure. Caleb smiles and, after a minute hesitation, reaches out for Adam’s hand, interlocking their fingers. _Ready to go, then?_ Caleb asks without words.

Adam doesn't like how careful Caleb's being, how tentative his touch is, and he fights the dollop of dread threatening to saturate his newly refreshed mood. He squeezes boyfriend’s fingers, just briefly. _One second._ “Rose?” he asks.

Rose jolts a little, coming out of some sort of deep thought. “Yeah, we’re good,” she says, after taking a second to reset. “I...I really appreciate it. Both of you.” Her smile brightens her face. “I’m really glad to have met you. And I won't keep you any longer.”

“We’ll see you around, I’m sure,” Adam says before Caleb can.

With a light rock of the swing, Rose settles her feet back on the porch and rises. Waggling her fingers, she heads to the door again and calls over her shoulder, “I’m counting on it!”

It isn’t until she’s gone that Adam thinks he and Caleb should maybe have a Talk and Caleb totally derails all such plans by teasing, “You know, you felt a little horny during your conversation with Rose at one point. Do I need to be worried?”

The weird shimmer of tension between them dissipates, and Adam shoves him playfully. “Shut _up._ I was not.”

“You were!” Caleb laughs. “Admit it, you—”

“Just unloaded all of my feelings onto a stranger about how dumb you make me, _yes_. And you were the one who essentially told me to do it.”

Caleb hums, not convinced or remotely apologetic, and Adam steals his smirk off his face with a kiss. As expected, Caleb leans into him, placing a hand on Adam’s lower back and drawing him closer. Ever closer.

Not close enough, in Adam’s oh-so-honest opinion. 

When they part, Caleb rests his forehead against Adam’s and says, “I’m really proud of you, you know. You didn’t have to talk to her. If you didn’t want to.”

“I know.”

“Thank you anyway. It means a lot to me.”

Adam smiles and pecks a small kiss at the corner of Caleb’s mouth. He hears the meaning between the words, knows Caleb is thanking him for so much more than talking to Rose for him. “I know, babe.”

Adam doesn’t have to hope Caleb feels the _thank you, too_ in his next kiss.

He knows.

**Author's Note:**

> Come scream at me on Tumblr! You can find me at my main: agermanshepherdpatronus.


End file.
